TIME FOR LIE DETECTOR TESTS
I had another dream. (I’ve been dreaming a lot lately). I dreamt that I ruled the U.S. as a dictator with unlimited powers. I had my military police round up every person in the country who has been bashing teacher unions. I rounded up all the people who said that teacher unions are partly responsible for the current “education crisis”. I detained any person who bashed the union concept of tenure and who insisted that collective bargaining for public employees was a gross evil. I snared all the people who blamed teacher unions for protecting large amounts of incompetent teachers. In short, I arrested anyone who had negative things to say about teacher unions.
I arrested all these people in order to prove a point. I was determined to prove that the majority of union bashing people were ones who simply wanted to do away with all unions no matter who or what they represented. I wanted to show that these people were not really concerned about an “education crisis” and about improving our public schools. I was out to prove that the majority of these people had the hidden motive of destroying public sector unions simply because they have always been opposed to unions and they were using the current “education crisis” as an excuse to get rid of public sector unions for once and for all.
I forced every one of the union bashers to take a lie detector test. I asked them questions that would reveal their true reasons for opposing teacher unions. The results surprised even me. Eighty-five percent of the “bashers” were doing so simply because they were anti union and were using the “education crisis” as an excuse to destroy public sector unions. My suspicions were confirmed.
I immediately released the fifteen percent who sincerely thought teacher unions hindered educational progress. The eighty-five percent who were hypocrites and were just out to destroy unions were given a harsh sentence. Each of them was taken to a classroom where they were forced to write a sentence one hundred times on the chalkboard,” I will never bash teacher unions again unless I really believe what I am accusing them of.” Just as the offenders were beginning to write, my wife poked me in the ribs because I was snoring too loudly and the wonderful dream ended.